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Pain King vs. Cleopatra/Transcript
[Kim and Ron run down an alley in their mission outfits, seemingly followed by a “mob” of muscular men] Mob #1: Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain! ... Ron: They're getting closer, KP! Mob #1: Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain! ... Kim: [Pointing into a side allay] This way! [Pulls Ron behind her] Rufus: [Looks out of the pocket, first behind them, then ahead] Ough! Woo-hoo! Look out! [Ron runs into trash cans, but does not fall] Kim: [Hiding behind a parked car] Ron, over here! ... I think we lost 'em. [sighs] [They look through the car windows] Kim: Hough [Inside the car, a dog jumps at the window and fiercely barks at them] Ron: [shocked] Teeth and slobber! [They run on until a car stops in front of them, headlamps directed at them, and another mob gets out, shouting what seems to be another battle cry] Mob #2: Steal! Steal! Steal! Steal! ... Kim: [Grabs Ron's hand]] Come on! Ron: [Tries to open a door] Argh! Argh! Mob #2: Steal! Steal! Steal! Steal! ... Ron: We'll never make it. Kim: There's gotta be another way in. Mob #2: Steal! Steal! Steal! ... Mob #1: [caught up] Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain! ... Mob #2: Steal! Steal! Steal! ... [While the mobs continue, Kim shoots her grappling hook to the roof] Kim: Going up? [Ron holds fast and they go up] Ron: Come on, Kim. We've gotta get inside. [Stumbles and falls off the roof] Whohu, Waaah! [Kim jumps after him, secured by here grappling hook rope] Ron: Waaaah! [Kim bounces off the ground, catches Ron mid-flight] Mobs Pain! Pain! / Steal! Steal! [Kim and Ron fly through outlet into a vent pipe system] Kim: Argh! Ooh! [They fall out of the vent system through a flap] Both: Aaagh!! Uh! Kim: Uh! [They've landed in the mall. In the background, banners announce a wrestling match - ''GWA wrestling wriot - starring Steel Toe and Pain King] '''Kim': Next time we come to the mall, let's stick to the main entrance. Okay? Title credits [Still in the mall] Kim: You know? I usually like to go home and change after a mission... Ron: No time for that, KP. Kim: Okay... Why? Ron: The first hundred fans not to be trampled get a free GWA tour t-shirt. Kim: GWA? Ron: How can you not know the Global Wrestling Association? It's only the most excellent sporting organization in the world. Steel Toe rules! Yeah! Mob #1 [Now recognizable as happy fans] Pain! Pain! Pain! ... Kim: All this just because some wrestlers are making a mall appearance? Ron: Not just some. Pain King and Steel Toe! Pain King's got a bionic eye - don't even think about looking into it, or you'll writhe on the floor in total pain. Kim: And I suppose Steel Toe actually has steel toes? Ron: Na, that's just a publicity gimmick. They're more like titanium, actually. A freak industrial accident. Rufus: Yeah! Kim: Riiiight... Jackie Oaks: [Announcing from a podium on a stage] Listen up, Middleton! Kim: Huh! Jackie Oaks: Hahahaha! Are you ready for action? [Crowd cheers] Jackie Oaks: Are you ready for head-bomping, chest-stomping, neck-breaking, ground-shaking confrontatiooon? [Crowd cheers] Ron: Yeah, baby. Kim: Is that Pain guy? Ron: Ha, no. That's Jackie Oaks, founder of the GWA. Jackie Oaks: Now here's a little secret: These two world-class athletes that I'm about to bring out... Crowd: Wooooh! Jackie Oaks: ... hate each other' guts! Hahaha, haha. [Crowd cheers and applaudes] Jackie Oaks: Heeeeere's Pain King... Part of crowd: Pain! Pain! Pain!... Jackie Oaks: ... and Steel Toooooeee! Part of crowd: Steel! Steel! Steel!... Crowd Steel! Steel!... / Pain! Pain!... Steel Toe: Ugh! Pain King: Arrr! Steel Toe: Ugh! Ron: Slap it, Steel! Kim: Okay. I'm in a mall and I'm not shopping. What's wrong with this picture? Ron: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wrestling is more than two guys beating on each other. It's also a war of words. Pain King: You're going down! Steel Toe: No! You're going down! Pain King: No, you're going down! Steel Toe: No! You're going down! Kim: Yeah, they're poets. Look, Club Banana's doing a tie-in with the museum's Cleopatra's Closet exhibit. That's where I'll be. ---- [Inside Club Banana] Kim: [hugging a table-full of cargo pants] Hello, civilization! Monique: Oh, my gosh, how much do you love Cleo's cargoes? Kim: Way much. Kim and Monique: You'd look good in ... these in green Monique: Ji... Kim: Jinx, you owe me a soda! ---- [Back outside] King Pain: It makes me sick to look at you, lead foot. Steel Toe: You will be so much sicker when I stomp you with cold, hard steel! King Pain: Let's go. Right here, right now. [Crowd cheers] Jackie Oaks: Not now, boys. Save it for Mayhem in Middleton. He-ha-ha-ha. Good seats still available, folks. Hah, hah, heheheh. Max Pain: You're going down! [attacks Steel toe] Jackie Oaks: Oh, oh, stop there. break it up, there. Oh, ouh. [A brawl starts in the crowd, soon some guy whirls Ron around] Ron: Aaaah! Aah! Aah! ---- [Inside Club Banana's, at the checkout] Monique: Do you belong to our Club Banana Club? Kim: Charter member. Monique: [reads Kim's member card] Kim Possible? I thought it was you! The stuff you do is so amazing. Kim: Uuuh ... it's no big. But thanks. Monique: I'm Monique. Just moved here. Kim: Cool. Where do you go to school? Monique: Middleton High. Kim Me too! Monique: I start Monday. Kim You totally have to let me show you around. Monique: Deal! [They see what's happening...] ---- [... outside] Ron: Woaaaahuh! ... Kim! ---- Kim: See you at school! ---- Kim [Running to save Ron] Excuse me! Pardon me! Jackie Oaks: Honey, that was some performance! You ever think about a career in professional wrestling? Kim: So not. Jackie Oaks: Hehe, I tell you what. Here's two tickets to "Mayhem in Middleton". Enjoy yourself on Jackie. Ron: These are backstage passes! You get to go backstage with backstage passes, where the backstage is. Kim: And hang out with some guy named Steel Cage? Ron: Uh, KP: Steel Toe is a guy, Steel Cage is, well, a cage. Kim: You take 'em. Ron: You can't just give them away. D'you know what these are worth? [Realizes] Okay, you can give 'em to me. Hey, let's go back to your house and watch wrestling so we get psych to watch wrestling! Kim: Not tonight. I'm going to the Cleopatra's Closet exhibit at the Middleton Art Museum. It's a special preview for Club Banana frequent buyers. Ron: You'd rather see some dead queen's clothes than watch Steel Toe's night of a hundred bruises with me? Kim: My answer would have to be: Hello, ja. See-ya! Ron: Cleopatra. Like anybody is gonna remember her ten years from now. Tuh! ---- [Later, at the museum] Monique: Hey, Kim! Kim: Monique! I should've known you'd be here. Monique: Exclusive preview! The Queen's accessories! Girl, it is all good. I love your pants! Kim: And you, very Cleo! Museum guide: Good evening! If you'll follow me. It's my pleasure to welcome you to this special Club Banana preview of Cleopatra's Closet. ---- [In the next room] Museum gard: [tied and gagged] hmpf Museum guide: Oh, my goodness! Kim: Call security and stay together! [To Kimmunicator] Wade, trouble at the Middleton Museum. Can you tap the security cam? Wade: Tapping... [Steps run away] Kim: Huh! [A door is slammed, Kim dashes after them] ---- [On the roof] Kim: Hm. [blinded by some golden light coming from behind a cooling unit] Huh! [A person surrounded by golden glow runs away, Kim follows] Kim: You are so busted. [but the glower escapes] ---- [in a wrestling ring] Pain King: Grrr Steel Toe Grrr [The ring is actually on TV, Ron, Rufus, and the Tweebs watch from the Sofa] Ron: Whohoo! Toe's of Steel! Tim: Ooh, Pain King's down. Jim: Duh! Pain Kin never beats Steel Toe. Kim: Ron, you won't believe what happened tonight. Ron, Jim, Tim: Shhh! Steel Toe: [from the TV in the background] Come on, little man, let's see what you've got! Pain King: [also from the TV] You're going down! [Kimmunicator rings] Kim: What's the sitch, Wade? Ron, Jim, Tim: Shhh! Kim: Sorry. Wade, go ahead. Wade: The only thing stolen from the museum was a small talisman. It was a gift to Cleopatra from a high priest of Anubis, the jackal-headed Egyptian deity of mummification. Kim: A mummy? Gross! I bet she would have rather had nice earrings. Wade: Don't be so sure! This talisman was supposedly enchanted. Kim: Oh, come on? Who would believe that? Wade: Maybe that glowing guy on the roof. Kim: Good point. What's it supposed to do? Wade: Super-human strength. Kim: Uh, great. Well, at least it's not immortality - I guess. Thanks, Wade. TV announcer: Chaos in Chicago will be right back. [Commercial break] Ron: So, how were the Queen's old clothes? Kim: I barely got to see them. Right after I hooked up with Monique, the museum was robbed by some glowing-headed animal guy. Ron: Oh, that's nice. Rufus: [Falling off Ron's shoulder] Whaa! Ron: Wait a minute, who's Monique? Kim New friend, really great. Anyway, the thief stole an enchanted ancient talisman. Ron: Whoa, whoa, back up! How can I not know about a new friend? Kim: I met her at Club Banana, then again at the museum before I chased the glowing robber. Ron: So what's she like? Kim: The robber? Ron: The friend, Kim, the "new friend". Kim: Ron, focus. There's a glowing guy running around Middleton with some kind of supernatural powers. Ron: Okay, okay. Why don't we hit Bueno Nacho and you fill me in? Rufus: Hmm! Kim: No, thanks. Monique and I stopped for smoothies on the way home. Rufus: [gasps] ---- [At Bueno Nacho] Ron: Smoothies! Since when does Kim drink smoothies? Rufus: Hmm, smoothies... [dives into Nachos, munches] Ron: Seein' a pattern here, Rufus: Kim does her thing, I do my thing, and pretty soon - we're doing different things. Rufus: [munches] Oh, ooh. Ron: Maybe I'm just blowing this whole Monique thing out of proportion. I bet tomorrow everything's back to normal. Rufus: M-hm, m-hm. ---- [Next morning. Ron rings at the Possible house, Mrs Dr Possible opens] Ron: Good morning, Mrs Dr Possible, is Kim ready for school? Rufus: Hi! Mrs Dr Possible: You missed her, Ron. I think she said something about meeting Monique. Ron: Monique? Rufus: [shrieks] Mrs Dr Possible: Oh, and I'll be late for my cranial bypass. Say hi to your folks! Rufus: [sighs] ---- [School cafeteria] Kim: ... and then once I was saving this desert prince from some stupid death squad and the back of my skirt was totally caught in my underwear - the whole time! Monique: No way! Kim: I could have died. And he almost did. Ron: Hello, ladies! Kim Ron! What are you doing here? Ron: Can I dine with my best friend and her new friend? Kim: Uuh, Ron, Monique, and vice versa. Ron: Bearclaw? Monique: No, thanks, ha-ha, I'm vegetarian. Ron: Uhm, I'm pretty sure it's imitation bear. Kim: She's joking, Ron. Ron: Good one, hahaha, ha, good one. So, did Kim tell you that I'm her sidekick? Cause that role is definitely taken by me. Monique: Riiiight. Well, in... you know I better get to class. Later, Kim. Um, n-nice meeting you, Ron. Ron: Likewise, I'm sure! Kim: What is your problem? You're acting really weird. Ron: Well, let's see. You went to the museum with Monique, not me. Monique was with you this morning, not me. Hmm, pattern? Kim: Yeah. You. Weird. Ron: No, we're drifting apart because you're excluding me. Kim: I am not excluding you. It's just that you and Monique are... different. Ron: Oh, now you're gonna tell me that sometimes growing up means growing apart. I've heard it before, Kim. Billy Bullwicky, second grade. Kim: You are so blowing this out of proportion. Ron: Okay, maybe I am. Ooh, don't forget: Mayhem in Middleton tonight! Kim: Those tickets are for you. I kind of already made plans with, uh, Monique. Ron: I blame the smoothies. Here, Jackie gave these to you. Kim: And I gave them to you. Ron: And I'm giving them back to you... except this one, but only because it will be the highlight of my life. Kim: Ron... [sighs] ---- [In the evening, Middleton Arena, locker room] Pain King: So, you're taking a vacation this year? Steel Toe: Ha, yeah, we wanna head right to a cottage in Martha's Vinyard. You know, it'll be nice get some chance to relax for wife and kids. Pain King: Sounds charming. [knocking at the door] Pain King: I hate your guts! Steel Toe: I'm taking you down, slime! [Jackie Oaks enters] Pain King: Oh, hi, Jackie. Steel Toe: Phew! Man, hoo, I thought you were a reporter or something. Jackie Oaks: Ha-ha, no, no. Ey, listen, eh. What do you guys think about me getting into the ring with yoos tonight, eh? Pain King and Steel Toe: [laugh] Pain King: Come on, Jackie, be reasonable! Steel Toe: Yeah, I don't mean to sell you short... Oh! Jackie Oaks: How very funny. Ve-very funny, yeah. Steel Too: S-sorry, man, I didn't mean it like that. Jackie Oaks: Beh! Pain King: Stick to promoting, Jack, hehehe. That's what you're good at. ---- [on the corridor] Jackie Oaks: [With the talisman in his hand] This is all gonna change... to-night. Hehehehehehe, hehehehehehe. ---- [The audience gathers at the wrestling ring] Guy#1 and guy#2: [Find seats in first row and high-five] Yeah! Ron: Hey! Nice seats. Guy#1: Yeaheah, definitely. Ron: But not as nice as mine: backstage, baby! ---- [backstage entrance] Guard: [grunts] Ron: Huuh! Guard: [grunts and open curtain] Ron Gotta see my man Steel Toe. ---- Man being interviewed: Oh no really, golf is a contact sport if you think about it. It could be something really fabulous... Ron: It's Steel Toe and Pain King so close I could touch them! Or not, cause I'm cool. Yo, Steel Toe, whassup, Pain? I touched Steel Toe! Rufus: Who-hoa! Me too. Steel Toe: Your gerbil's totally bald, man. Ron: Yeah, thank you. Can I have an autograph? Could you make it, um, "To Ron"? Pain King: Uuh, sure. Let me get a pen. Yo, Jackie? Steel Toe: Yeah, where is that guy? I need my sunglasses. Pronto. Ron: I'll get them. Can I, please, please? Please? Steel Toe: Sure, kid. They're in my dressing room. Ron: [gasp-shrieks] ---- Jackie Oaks: Let me see if I got everything now, ach, righty? Open toe sandals - check, yeah. Ooh, talisman, mmh, glowing - that is nice, huh? Mhm, alright. And... my ancient papyrus which I shall now begin to read from. Eh. [Reads] Anubis, Protector of the Tomb, Your time is Now, The time of DOOM! [Diabolical laughter and he turns into the Jackal] Rufus: [Shrieks and hides in Ron's pocket] Ron: You know what? I'll just come back later. The Jackal [growls] ---- Ron: Whaaah... Uh! Rufus Yiiek? [Switches from pocket to under a napkin, trembles] Ron: You wanna be left alone? I'm down with that. The Jackal: Tonight the world will see the fearful power of the Jackal! Ron: I've seen! I believe! The Jackal: [grunts as he throws Ron] Ron: Waaaaah! [Hits into Steel Toe] Audience: [Boos and cheers] Pain King: What are you doing? Ron: Huh, there's a problem. Him. ---- [In a cafe] Monique: Not enough froth in your latte? Kim: No, uh, I'm just feeling guilty. I kind of blew off Ron to be here tonight. Monique: Why didn't you bring him along? Kim: Unless someone put a waiter in a headlock, this is definitely not Ron's scene. Besides, he had a date with "Steel Toe". Monique: He scored tickets to Mayhem in Middleton? The GWA rocks! Kim: What? Monique: Pretty tacky, I know, but my brother hooked me up. Pain King's my boy! Kim: I can't believe you and Ron have something in common. [Kimmunicator beeps] Kim: What up, Wade? Wade: More on the talisman: If the holder recites an incantation from an ancient text, the spirit of Anubis could actually possess him. Kim: Sounds bad. So we better find that ancient text. Wade: Too late. Somebody already found it. Some masked guy stole it from the University in Chicago. Kim: Do you have access to the police report? [Wade makes the report - marked "confidential" - appear on the Kimmunicator] Kim: Hm, the thief was super-short. And the GWA was in Chicago before Middleton. I'm sorry, Monique, I keep running out on you. ---- [at the wrestling] Jackal: Arharrr! Pain King: Who is this guy? Steel Toe: Man, beats me... Ron: It's Jackie. He's got supernatural powers! Pain King: Jackie Oaks? Jackal: You all've said I was too small and get in the ring. Hu-he-ha-har! Here I am. You still think I'm too small? [grabs and lifts the two wrestlers] [Audience cheers] Guy #1: This Jackal's awesome. Ron: You made your point, Jackie. Put them down! Jackal: I am no longer Jackie. I am now the Jackal! Ron: Ough! Guy #1: Whohoa! Kim: Excuse me, pardon me, hehe, 'xcuse me, uhm, just gonna... squeeze through here...nggh, out of my way! Ron: First I lose my best friend, now professional wrestling. Everything is ruined. Kim: You didn't lose your best friend. Ron: KP? Kim: And don't worry, we're gonna save this... this... Would you call it a sport? Ron: The most excellent one ever. Kim: Let's take him down. Ron: I'd tag-team with you any day, KP. Kim: This will be easy. [The Jackal growls and throws the wrestlers into the ropes, they bounce back against each other] Pain King, Steel Toe: Ugh! Guy #1: (squit he)??? Jackal: I'll take on all challengers, no holes barred. Right match, right here, right now. Come on! [Audience boos, The Jackal destroy a "We love Pain King" and a "Steel Toe" banner, then creates a whirlwind] Guy #1: Awesome rocking effects, bro! Kim: Prepare to be body-slammered, Jackal! Ron: That's "body-slammed". Better let me do it. Hngnggg, uh, eeeeh Kim: Ron! Ron: Heeuh. You go. Kim: Why don't you try without the talisman? Jackal: Who wanna go try and make me? I am all powerful! Kim: Ouch! No, duh! Ron: Kim! Kim: You distract him. I'll go for the talisman. Ron: Distraction, solid. Steel Toe's number one! Jackal who? Jackal who? Steel Toe's number one! That's right, you heard me, ol' demon Jackal: growls Pain King: Let's see what you've got! Ron: Raahaa... Hi! ... Ron: One chance, buddy! Rufus: Uh, uh, uh-huh. Ngyangyangyang ... Ngyanguh! Kim: Got you, Rufus! Jackal: Change(???), no, Nooooo! [He turns back into Jackie Oaks] Pain King, Steel Toe: Grrrr Jackie Oaks: Hehe. I say, be reasonable. Pain King: Jackie, you're going down! Jackie Oaks: Hoooahh [audience cheers] Guy #1: Dude, that's the most best awesome, most totally rippin' show I've ever seen. Guy #2: Eh, no way, man. That ol' Jackal thing was totally fake. ---- [At Bueno Nacho] Monique: You know, I still can't believe you met Pain King and Steel Toe. Ron: I can't believe you're into wrestling. Kim: I can't believe I know either one of you. Monique: Enough talk! In the immortal words of Pain King: You're going down! Ron: Au contraire, it is you who'll be going down. Monique: First one to drip is a loser. Ron: Better get your bib, baby. Monique: So wrong. Kim: Hrrm Rufus: Wohoa.. Go! Kim: I think this is the beginning of a very weird friendship. Category:Season 1 Transcripts Category:Transcripts